Unclear

Don't be mistaken, I can see you...
I can see you quite clearly
through my clouded vision I can see you
as you throw me away
deeper shades looking
I see
a cloud it hangs before me
the pain all condensed, I guess...
but real is pain and life is real
living real, staring at you
through a haze
in a daze
I can see you clearly-
maybe the lines are clearer when it hurts to look.
but don't be mistaken, I can see you.
I keep looking through the fog
hoping for answers
but I never get one and you
you look at me as though I mean something
but I will let you down
my pain is my meaning and reason to go on
I live for what I get
I get what I already have.
But don't be mistaken, I can still see you.
I want to burn my eyes out.
I can still see... I see you
through the cloud that won't let you touch me
won't let me feel you
can we fuck, maybe that will make it all go away
or will you go away?
but still you look at me
as though I mean something
but still you look through me
as though you hope to find me
and still it makes me feel better
because I still think you could make it go away
for a little while.
I can cry the alligator tears
of the mask I wear
but they can never come from
the heart I don't have
again.
But I can see you-
and I can see how I'd like to love you
the cloud around me
won't let me feel you
as much as I may want to
I am still right here.
Lock, stock, and barrel.
Right here, draining to empty
before your eyes.
Running on 'E'.
I have all that I can get
and I have nothing left to lose
I can't feel you anymore
but I can still see you...

J. M. Gray ©1997